Are you looking for funny Christmas quotes for your friends and family? We’ve gathered the best wishes and quotes to ensure they laugh this holiday season.
To make your search easier, we categorized our Christmas quotes into:
Jump To a Section Below
Funny Christmas Quotes from Movies
Christmas movies offer some of the funniest holiday lines, perfect for a seasonal laugh!
- “You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card.” — Elf (2003)
- “I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite.” — Elf (2003)
- “Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas.” — Christmas Vacation (1989)
- “Worse? How can things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen! We’re at the threshold of hell!!” — Christmas Vacation (1989)
- “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.” — Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
- “You can mess with a lot of things. But you can’t mess with kids on Christmas.” — Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
- “Now you listen to me, young lady! Even if we’re horribly mangled, there’ll be no sad faces on Christmas.” — The Grinch (2000)
- “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?” — Christmas Vacation (1989)
Funny Christmas Quotes from Books and Authors
Authors capture the humor in Christmas with clever, relatable quotes that light up the season.
- “One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.” — J.K. Rowling
- “Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your money or your feet.” — Author Unknown
- “Next to a circus, there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” — Kin Hubbard
- “At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” — Robert Godden
- “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” — Garrison Keillor
- “Adults can take a simple holiday for children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.” — Erma Bombeck
- “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White
- “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.” — Charles M. Schulz
Funny Christmas Quotes from Famous Personalities
Famous figures bring holiday cheer with witty quotes that add a humorous twist to Christmas.
- “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” — Jerry Seinfeld
- “Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it.” — Richard Lamm
- “Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard
- “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?” — Matt Groening
- “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” — Unknown
Conclusion
Christmas is the season of laughter and joy. Let these quotes light up the holiday spirit of your loved ones. Have a happy holiday!
Seth is an English-major turned stand-up comedian. When he’s not touring comedy clubs, he loves putting his creativity to use writing puns and card greetings for all occasions (not just funny ones). Many of his punny works can be found in a card store near you.